Stage Nerves - A Fiction Piece for WRT 219

For my Creative Writing class we had to write a fiction piece about a ticking clock and something suspenseful. For the life of me I could not figure out what to write about until about 2 hrs before my class would start. I figured that I could be the character and that the suspense could be the clock ticking on the day of my first performance in Wicked which has yet to come and is thus fiction. I wrote this in about an hour or so and I'm actually really happy with how it turned out. I hope you like it. ENJOY!

Stage Nerves

The show time clock slowly ticks down and blinks red when the time lands on 7:00:00. Wardrobe, make-up, quick run throughs and voice warm-ups had taken hours but I’d been preoccupied during those times and hadn’t had the time to really dwell on the magnitude of the event that was taking place that night. Now I stand perched at the curtain, waiting nervously, impatiently, and excitedly, my mind whirling with thoughts in all forms of emotions. Waiting for the lines that signal my entrance onto the stage, I fidget nervously with the suitcase in my hand and the glasses placed on my nose.

My colleague sings beautifully, opening the performance with her melodic, operatic voice and her smiling grace and charm. She’d given me a hug and smiled big at me, reminding me that I was going to do great and that she’d be there with me throughout the whole thing. I’d smiled back pushing away the urge to cry from all of the emotions building up for fear of ruining the perfectly completed make-up on my face. Her being there with me the whole time is mostly true; she’d be on stage alongside me for much of the performance, but all I can think about are the many times where I will be alone. I can hear all that is going on but I am unable to steal a peak at the happenings on stage.

I look to the show time clock which has continued past its red 7:00:00 and ticks slowly counting each second, every single one. It captures me in its incandescent way and for an instant it is all I can think about. Quickly I remove my eyes from the mesmerizing form and focus again on the speaking of the performers on stage. They have moved past the first musical interlude and hurry into the meat of the background storyline, setting the stage for the leap back in time. That’s one of my favorite attributes of this production: the beginning is the present in the character’s terms and then it jumps to the distant past, then back to present, and then to a nearer past. The audience gets a background story to better understand the happenings of the nearer past and the present.

A word reaches my ear and I jump, afraid I missed my cue. I listen carefully and realize that it is only a similar line. Cautiously I look to the clock. After watching the clock during rehearsals I’d calculated that my entrance comes approximately nine minutes into the show. The digital clock shows 7:06:45, so I am able to relax a bit, trying to focus again on the speaking of my colleagues. Sigh, I actually have some time to try to get rid of my nerves. From as far back as I can remember I have never gotten nervous before going on stage. I have always found it so exciting that the idea of being nervous was pushed away. But now, even with the knowing that this will probably be one of the best moments of my life, I can’t seem to remove the nervousness that causes my heart to race and my stomach to churn. What if I miss a line? What if I forget the words to a song? What if I forget a prop or… The “what ifs” continue as I absent-mindedly stroke the inexistent wrinkles in my dark blue costume, straightening the already perfectly placed glasses once again.

Some of the crew members rush around preparing to bring back the piece that they’d reeled out moments ago. I move aside carefully, not wanting to be in the way, but too nervous to really think of where I’m going. My bones jump when I bump into something that catches me. Looking back slowly I realize it is my other colleague, my love interest in the production.

“Whoa there,” he whispers, holding my arms tightly as he makes sure I’m steady. “You wouldn’t want to knock yourself out before your first performance.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I whisper back, straightening my dress again and patting the cap on my head of black hair. He takes my hand, stopping my random antics and touches my cheek with his other one, causing my eyes to finally meet his face. I smile graciously at him, knowing what he’s about to say before he says it.

“Not a problem. Just take a deep breath and relax. You’re going to do great!” He smiles at me and then hurries off to get ready for his later appearance in the show.

I fix my off-kilter glasses, looking again at the luminous show time clock. The time ticks approaching 7:08:30. Panicked, I listen for the lines and discover my entrance is seconds away. My nervous motions and bumping had caused time to fly by and here I was seconds away from the night I had been preparing for for so long. The sheer magnitude of what was about to take place nearly overwhelmed me but the excitement and joy that I was doing something I had waited so long for beat out the nervousness and a smile etched its way across my face. My suitcase tightly in hand I wait as the doors open that allow me to run onto the stage full of enthusiasm. Though my heart is still racing, the butterflies in my stomach have disappeared and the thoughts of failure wiped from my mind.

The stage clock shows 7:09:15 and I smile even more, suppressing a laugh at the hilariousness of my time guessing. My colleague speaks the words “When we were both very young.” That’s my cue. I straighten my cap once again and hurry through the doors and onto the stage, smiling at the audience in front of me. Applause resounds through the theatre and I can feel the wetness at the corner of my eyelids. I look down at my hands to make sure that I am really there and that this is all really happening. Secretly I pinch my green-skinned hand and look up at the performers entering the stage for the next scene. This is real, this is happening, it isn’t a dream anymore. I am Elphaba on Broadway. WICKED!

Idina Menzel Called Me Gorgeous!

Oh my gosh!! So I have finally settled down enough to actually write about Idina's concert. Wednesday night I could barely speak a complete sentence let alone sit still for more than a minute, so writing my blog or in my journal was not possible. My mind has been able to process all that happened so hopefully I get it all down. Prepare for this to be long. :)
As soon as we drove onto the MSU campus, on our way to church dinner, my heart started racing and my excitement grew, evident by my random squeals and giggles. Mercy and family didn't quite understand my excitement during dinner, but Grace and mom shared the anticipation Christie and I were feeling. Time would not move fast enough.
Once at the Wharton Center, Chris and I waited patiently, unlike some others, for the doors to open. I asked around hoping that I could find some way to meet Idina, but everyone I asked told me that she was doing private meet and greets only. My heart sunk at this and my hope began to disappear. Christie continued encouraging me and telling me that I still had a chance to meet Idina. And even if I didn't get to meet her I was at least going to be in the same room as her, seeing her in person and hearing her voice.
We were finally allowed in around 7:30 when the show was planned to start. I expected to see Idina any minute. Nope. Some guys came out and sang songs for nearly a half hour. Chris and I were seriously antsy and getting a little annoyed at the unexpected delay of Idina's appearance. When he finally finished we waited almost 45 minutes in a weird intermission period, unsure of when Idina would appear. Finally at almost 9:00 Idina finally appeared. I broke down right when I saw her. Everyone around me was clapping and yelling, but I was sobbing tears of joy, so overwhelmed to see her there in front of me. Christie cried a little as she reminded me to look up at Idina since my crying was causing me to close my eyes. It was unbelievable.
She began singing and I continued crying until well into her second song. For the rest of the concert I just smiled, the smile never leaving my face and my eyes concentrated on Idina. She would blow kisses to the audience and I'd blow kisses back. She was everything I expected and so much more. Her personality and excitement blew me away. Whatever emotion I felt for her grew more as I was able to see her personality and the way she acted while on stage. She's more my role model now than before the concert; she's so great!
Here's as good a list I can make of what she sang: Brave, I Stand, Gorgeous, My Own Worst Enemy, There's Only Us (Rent), For Good (Wicked), a Hebrew prayer dedicated to her sister, a wedding song I didn't know, and one other song that I can't remember the title of.
She was so energetic on stage and during many songs was walking all around and even laying on the floor for one. Her presence and grace never ceased to amaze me. She left and I was sure she was done but the clapping and yelling of the crowd brought her back for an encore. "Something has changed within me..." she began and the whole crowd screamed. Defying Gravity was her encore piece and everyone loved it. When she had left for sure, my happiness began to fade, she was gone and my time with her didn't feel like enough.
Christie and I hurried up the stairs and then down the stairs to the main lobby. We rushed, running through the parking ramp, to the backstage door. Only a small crowd had gathered by the time we got down there and it grew behind us quickly. We waited for about 30 minutes before Idina's tour manager came out. She said that Idina was tired and that she would do autographs but that she (the manager) would prefer no personal, posing pictures because that was too time consuming and Idina was not a fan of candids so don't take random pictures of her autographing. We lined up and continued waiting. Christie was already 45 minutes late for work so mom took her, leaving me there. I was sad that Chris couldn't stay and be there when Idina came out.
After another 30 minutes or so Idina appeared, my role model. She came down the stairs and started signing. I held my spot and she got to me, signing this journal and my CD cover of her music. I searched for something to say, hoping I would speak clearly and not say something stupid. "You're my role model," I said to her, forcing back my tears of excitement. "Thank you," she said as she looked up at me, finished with the autographs. "Aww... you're gorgeous." I was stunned. Idina Menzel, my role model, called ME gorgeous! "Thank you, so are you," I said, giving her a quick hug. It felt like I was hugging a friend, not a tony award winning broadway star. I was the first person she hugged and the first that she really talked to. I walked a few feet away before breaking down in happy tears. I hurried to the car and jumped in, crying heavily while showing mom my autographs and telling her all that had happened.
This whole experience was so unreal and I wish I could live it over and over again. I wish that my time with Idina had been a little bit longer and that I could have at least one picture of her and me or even a video of my meeting her. It was so great! I have a new swing in my step now and a new hope for things to come in the future. I hope that I have another chance to see Idina and hopefully I'll be able to get a picture with her. But right now I'm happy to have all of the memories of November 5th, 2008 and the autographs that she signed. I'll never ever forget that day!

Emotional Thoughts

So I wrote a pretty emotional entry in my Elphaba journal the other day. I don't want to talk too much about it because it was quite personal but there are a few things I am willing to share.
I watched some Wicked behind-the-scenes videos on youtube with Idina, Kristin and crew and my need to be a part of Wicked seriously intensified with each one. My heart ached, my thoughts soared as I watched their experiences intently, wishing and hoping that I could be there; be a part of it. Happy tears came to my eyes as Idina showed off her "Wicked" dressing room adorned with wicked witch memorabilia she'd received from family, friends and fans. I thought about the wicked witch things I already own (not just Wicked memorabilia), many of which I have received from family and friends, and how great it would be to display those in my dressing room some day.
One drawing Idina pointed out was created by a young girl who wrote, "Idina, you are my role model. I want to be just like you." I seriously started crying. I thought about what an amazing feeling that would be to know that you are so important to someone who may only know of you and what you've done; to know that you are someone's role model.
Right after watching that video I nearly fell onto my bed in tears. I want this Wicked Broadway experience so much I can't even explain it. I can't describe in any words the desire, the want, the near need to be a part of this show. I wonder how many people think I'm crazy when it comes to Wicked, but then I would ask, "Is it wrong to dream; to dream big? Is it wrong to want something?" I know reality, I know normal, I focus on school, and I'm getting a degree in English, not theatre. I have a back up plan in case this whole Broadway thing fails, but I still want it and I'll work for it and try my hardest until there is nothing else I can do. I'm going to try my best and if I fail then at least I'll know I tried.
Be back in a few days with news of Idina's concert!

Doubts and Acting

I'm having such crazy doubts lately. They aren't new doubts or anything; they are just flooding in recently. I'm just so afraid that I won't be good enough; I won't be talented enough. Its a tough, dog eat dog world over there in New York and I guess I'm just worried. I really want to do this Broadway thing and the idea of my whole dream failing just causes so much sadness in my heart. I want this so bad.
I'm waiting so impatiently for my theatre class next semester because I seriously want to know if I can act. I've never really had a big enough part in anything to have someone ever tell me if I can truly act. There was so much favoritism/biased opinions in high school that I never knew if I got small parts based on my talents or because of my low status in the school society. I'm hoping that my theatre professor will be open with me and just give me the honest truth about whether I can act or not. That way I can prepare for the future and either work my tail off trying to be better or continue being the actor I might be deep down.

My Birthday!

So last Wednesday (October 8) was my twin sister's and my 20th birthday.
My roommate and amazing friend Sarah made me the bestest birthday cake ever. It was black and had a witch hat (made out of an ice cream cone) on it with the word WICKED written in green icing. It was so great I almost didn't want to cut it.
I went home that weekend and got my present from my twin sis. It was a Wicked journal decked out in green and black with the lyrics to Defying Gravity stylized all over it. It's wonderful and I love it so much. I'm taking the posts I have on this blog and writing them in the journal. I'll start putting more personal thoughts in the journal as well as the blog entries once I catch up with the old ones.
Also,... in my researches I found out that Wicked began their previews for critics and such on my birthday (October 8) in 2003. That is the craziest and funnest coincidence. It made me smile so much. Of all days, they started on my birthday and its now my favorite musical ever. Hehe. It made my day when I found that out.

Idina Menzel Concert

My goodness it's nearly October. It's been a while since I've written, 1. because I've been super busy and 2. because there hasn't been many changes in my Wicked life. I sing karaoke from time to time but Abby and I just don't have the free time we used to. I have yet to talk to my advisor about my double minor because I end up sleeping in always on the day I plan to go see her. I'll go see her next week. :)
Probably the biggest thing that is Wicked related that has happened since my last post is that I got tickets to see Idina Menzel in concert at the Wharton Center in my hometown. I'm beyond excitement and am now waiting slightly impatiently for the many weeks until November 5, the day of the concert. Her concert has already sold out and I'm super glad I got tickets the day they went on sale. :) I plan on bringing "I Stand," Idina Menzel's CD, and my Wicked book just in case I get to meet her and get an autograph. I think I might just faint if I get to meet her. I'm seriously that much a fan of her. If I don't get to meet her, then that's okay. I'll just be happy that I even got to be in the same room as her which I never thought would happen especially so soon. We'll see how things go.

Theatre Minor

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I was crazy busy with work and then I had to go back to school. I just started my sophomore year at Grand Valley State University and am living in a great on-campus apartment with three wonderful roommates (best friend, great friend, and new friend). I have the new responsibility of being president of the Civil War Club while continuing my major studies in English - Secondary Education. After much debate I have decided to declare two minors: History and Theatre. History is a teachable minor but theatre isn't (according to the Michigan State Government) and I need to have a teachable minor for my education requirements but want to minor in theatre so that's why I've decided on two minors. I've been planning out my classes and focused my theatre minor classes on acting and a couple directing (another small passion of mine). With the theatre classes and minor declared I'm hoping to gain experience and understanding that will help me on my quest toward Broadway. I may also be able to direct plays and musicals while teaching. I always have one question in mind when deciding if something Broadway related is the right decision - will it help me in my teaching career as well? A theatre minor will help with both Broadway and my teaching so it is allowed to pass through.

Wicked @ the Wharton Center

Wicked has been in East Lansing since July 16 and after much debate and unsureness, my mom, sisters, and I decided to go see it on its last night here in Michigan (that was tonight). We got pretty good seats even though we bought them only mere hours before the show.
Christie (my twin sis) and I decided to make the occasion special so we wore some formal dresses, mine black and green and her's pink and off we all went. I also wore my witch hat and she had a pink flower in her hair. We got so many stares and smiles as we walked through the Wharton Center to our seats.
All day I'd been anticipating the performance and when the music started and the action began I just couldn't contain my excitement - I started crying. Not sobbing or anything that drastic but tears started falling. It was excellent!! I mean it will never compare to the original Broadway cast of which I've only seen on youtube but the traveling cast members were all great in their own ways and the whole thing was amazing. I started crying again at Defying Gravity and then of course at the end after For Good.
After the performance we took a few pictures and then were heading to our car when we saw some people looking down at the stage door from the parking ramp. We looked over and saw people waiting. Christie and I hurried down the parking ramp stairs and were able to join the group of people waiting. We got there in time to see "Madame Morrible" and then waited as "Fiyero" and "Nessa" came out. We got all of their autographs and got a picture with "Fiyero." Then we waited for quite a long time hoping that "Elphaba" and "Glinda" might come out. I don't really know how long it was but after waiting for a while Carmen Cusack (Elphaba) finally appeared. She really liked Christie's and my outfits and signed 5 different things for me. We got a picture with her too and I swear that I was not breathing for a bit. lol. I didn't really know what to say to her but she was very nice and overall I am so glad we waited by those doors. AHHHH!!! I wonder how I'll be if I have the chance to meet Idina.
I'm at an all time high right now - defying gravity.

The Mall

So today my friend Max and I were at the Lansing Mall and we decided to go into a store called F.Y.E. (don't ask what it means because I have no clue). It's a store where they sell music and DVD's. We were just looking around, me looking for the first Idina Menzel CD (I know its out there somewhere), and Max looking at various areas of music, when suddenly over the intercom/radio thing I hear "I'm limited" sung by Elphaba (Idina Menzel) which is the start of the song "For Good" from Wicked. I seriously started jumping up and down with excitement (hopefully I didn't scare my friend Max, lol). So of course I started singing along quietly as we continued looking around.
I'm just amazed at the fact that it played while I was in there. I mean I could have walked in mere seconds after it played or walked out mere seconds before it played. I could have missed it but I didn't. What are the odds? ^_^

Singing

Ahhh singing: probably the thing that makes each of my days brighter. If I wake up and can't sing, things are just not the same.I really just love to sing. After discovering Wicked I'm pretty sure a day doesn't go by that a Wicked song isn't stuck in my head. I'm often asked to sing at work because one of the managers really enjoys my singing. I usually sing a Wicked song - why not? What other songs do I know every note, every word, and every beat of? I feel like singing for people at work helps me not be so nervous and they give so many compliments that it makes me feel better about my singing.
I look forward to being in the car because I can put the Wicked CD in and just sing. I work hard at keeping my voice steady and enunciating the words so that they are understandable. If I'm alone in the car I sing as loud as I can with proper tone and support, working on that oh-so-necessary theatre voice (everyone in the audience should be able to hear you without a mic even if they are in the back row of the theatre).
All in all singing just brings more joy to my life and I think that a small career on Broadway would just be the best. Wishing and hoping to Defy Gravity!

My First Thoughts

I have decided to start a blog about my thoughts and reflections on my future hopes of being Elphaba in the Broadway company of Wicked.
I dwell on this idea every single day, countless times, and consider the many roads and twists my future could take. I can't describe the deep sense of longing I feel about it.
Every time I see a shooting star, blow out a birthday candle, or make a wish on a blown away eyelash, I wish the same thing: I want to be Elphaba on Broadway; I want to be Elphaba on Broadway.
The crazy thing is that this dream is so new. It was only in September that I discovered the musical Wicked and began studying and learning the music, the characters and the performers (Broadway, London and the touring group).
I had an instant attachment to Elphaba when I first heard the songs she sang. After reading the book and seeing peaks of the Broadway performance on youtube I discovered that this Elphaba character was a lot like me. Not very popular or fashionable, but caring and strong willed; she cares about what others think but tries not to show it wanting to be strong and without weakness. I'll probably have more to say about her character but that's good for now.
All in all I just relate the most to Elphaba and feel that I could play her quite easily. I've never felt that there was a part in a musical that I seriously fit but I feel like I've found that part in Elphaba. That's all my thoughts for now. Be back soon.