Emotional Thoughts

So I wrote a pretty emotional entry in my Elphaba journal the other day. I don't want to talk too much about it because it was quite personal but there are a few things I am willing to share.
I watched some Wicked behind-the-scenes videos on youtube with Idina, Kristin and crew and my need to be a part of Wicked seriously intensified with each one. My heart ached, my thoughts soared as I watched their experiences intently, wishing and hoping that I could be there; be a part of it. Happy tears came to my eyes as Idina showed off her "Wicked" dressing room adorned with wicked witch memorabilia she'd received from family, friends and fans. I thought about the wicked witch things I already own (not just Wicked memorabilia), many of which I have received from family and friends, and how great it would be to display those in my dressing room some day.
One drawing Idina pointed out was created by a young girl who wrote, "Idina, you are my role model. I want to be just like you." I seriously started crying. I thought about what an amazing feeling that would be to know that you are so important to someone who may only know of you and what you've done; to know that you are someone's role model.
Right after watching that video I nearly fell onto my bed in tears. I want this Wicked Broadway experience so much I can't even explain it. I can't describe in any words the desire, the want, the near need to be a part of this show. I wonder how many people think I'm crazy when it comes to Wicked, but then I would ask, "Is it wrong to dream; to dream big? Is it wrong to want something?" I know reality, I know normal, I focus on school, and I'm getting a degree in English, not theatre. I have a back up plan in case this whole Broadway thing fails, but I still want it and I'll work for it and try my hardest until there is nothing else I can do. I'm going to try my best and if I fail then at least I'll know I tried.
Be back in a few days with news of Idina's concert!