Doubts and Acting

I'm having such crazy doubts lately. They aren't new doubts or anything; they are just flooding in recently. I'm just so afraid that I won't be good enough; I won't be talented enough. Its a tough, dog eat dog world over there in New York and I guess I'm just worried. I really want to do this Broadway thing and the idea of my whole dream failing just causes so much sadness in my heart. I want this so bad.
I'm waiting so impatiently for my theatre class next semester because I seriously want to know if I can act. I've never really had a big enough part in anything to have someone ever tell me if I can truly act. There was so much favoritism/biased opinions in high school that I never knew if I got small parts based on my talents or because of my low status in the school society. I'm hoping that my theatre professor will be open with me and just give me the honest truth about whether I can act or not. That way I can prepare for the future and either work my tail off trying to be better or continue being the actor I might be deep down.

My Birthday!

So last Wednesday (October 8) was my twin sister's and my 20th birthday.
My roommate and amazing friend Sarah made me the bestest birthday cake ever. It was black and had a witch hat (made out of an ice cream cone) on it with the word WICKED written in green icing. It was so great I almost didn't want to cut it.
I went home that weekend and got my present from my twin sis. It was a Wicked journal decked out in green and black with the lyrics to Defying Gravity stylized all over it. It's wonderful and I love it so much. I'm taking the posts I have on this blog and writing them in the journal. I'll start putting more personal thoughts in the journal as well as the blog entries once I catch up with the old ones.
Also,... in my researches I found out that Wicked began their previews for critics and such on my birthday (October 8) in 2003. That is the craziest and funnest coincidence. It made me smile so much. Of all days, they started on my birthday and its now my favorite musical ever. Hehe. It made my day when I found that out.

Idina Menzel Concert

My goodness it's nearly October. It's been a while since I've written, 1. because I've been super busy and 2. because there hasn't been many changes in my Wicked life. I sing karaoke from time to time but Abby and I just don't have the free time we used to. I have yet to talk to my advisor about my double minor because I end up sleeping in always on the day I plan to go see her. I'll go see her next week. :)
Probably the biggest thing that is Wicked related that has happened since my last post is that I got tickets to see Idina Menzel in concert at the Wharton Center in my hometown. I'm beyond excitement and am now waiting slightly impatiently for the many weeks until November 5, the day of the concert. Her concert has already sold out and I'm super glad I got tickets the day they went on sale. :) I plan on bringing "I Stand," Idina Menzel's CD, and my Wicked book just in case I get to meet her and get an autograph. I think I might just faint if I get to meet her. I'm seriously that much a fan of her. If I don't get to meet her, then that's okay. I'll just be happy that I even got to be in the same room as her which I never thought would happen especially so soon. We'll see how things go.

Theatre Minor

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I was crazy busy with work and then I had to go back to school. I just started my sophomore year at Grand Valley State University and am living in a great on-campus apartment with three wonderful roommates (best friend, great friend, and new friend). I have the new responsibility of being president of the Civil War Club while continuing my major studies in English - Secondary Education. After much debate I have decided to declare two minors: History and Theatre. History is a teachable minor but theatre isn't (according to the Michigan State Government) and I need to have a teachable minor for my education requirements but want to minor in theatre so that's why I've decided on two minors. I've been planning out my classes and focused my theatre minor classes on acting and a couple directing (another small passion of mine). With the theatre classes and minor declared I'm hoping to gain experience and understanding that will help me on my quest toward Broadway. I may also be able to direct plays and musicals while teaching. I always have one question in mind when deciding if something Broadway related is the right decision - will it help me in my teaching career as well? A theatre minor will help with both Broadway and my teaching so it is allowed to pass through.

Wicked @ the Wharton Center

Wicked has been in East Lansing since July 16 and after much debate and unsureness, my mom, sisters, and I decided to go see it on its last night here in Michigan (that was tonight). We got pretty good seats even though we bought them only mere hours before the show.
Christie (my twin sis) and I decided to make the occasion special so we wore some formal dresses, mine black and green and her's pink and off we all went. I also wore my witch hat and she had a pink flower in her hair. We got so many stares and smiles as we walked through the Wharton Center to our seats.
All day I'd been anticipating the performance and when the music started and the action began I just couldn't contain my excitement - I started crying. Not sobbing or anything that drastic but tears started falling. It was excellent!! I mean it will never compare to the original Broadway cast of which I've only seen on youtube but the traveling cast members were all great in their own ways and the whole thing was amazing. I started crying again at Defying Gravity and then of course at the end after For Good.
After the performance we took a few pictures and then were heading to our car when we saw some people looking down at the stage door from the parking ramp. We looked over and saw people waiting. Christie and I hurried down the parking ramp stairs and were able to join the group of people waiting. We got there in time to see "Madame Morrible" and then waited as "Fiyero" and "Nessa" came out. We got all of their autographs and got a picture with "Fiyero." Then we waited for quite a long time hoping that "Elphaba" and "Glinda" might come out. I don't really know how long it was but after waiting for a while Carmen Cusack (Elphaba) finally appeared. She really liked Christie's and my outfits and signed 5 different things for me. We got a picture with her too and I swear that I was not breathing for a bit. lol. I didn't really know what to say to her but she was very nice and overall I am so glad we waited by those doors. AHHHH!!! I wonder how I'll be if I have the chance to meet Idina.
I'm at an all time high right now - defying gravity.

The Mall

So today my friend Max and I were at the Lansing Mall and we decided to go into a store called F.Y.E. (don't ask what it means because I have no clue). It's a store where they sell music and DVD's. We were just looking around, me looking for the first Idina Menzel CD (I know its out there somewhere), and Max looking at various areas of music, when suddenly over the intercom/radio thing I hear "I'm limited" sung by Elphaba (Idina Menzel) which is the start of the song "For Good" from Wicked. I seriously started jumping up and down with excitement (hopefully I didn't scare my friend Max, lol). So of course I started singing along quietly as we continued looking around.
I'm just amazed at the fact that it played while I was in there. I mean I could have walked in mere seconds after it played or walked out mere seconds before it played. I could have missed it but I didn't. What are the odds? ^_^

Singing

Ahhh singing: probably the thing that makes each of my days brighter. If I wake up and can't sing, things are just not the same.I really just love to sing. After discovering Wicked I'm pretty sure a day doesn't go by that a Wicked song isn't stuck in my head. I'm often asked to sing at work because one of the managers really enjoys my singing. I usually sing a Wicked song - why not? What other songs do I know every note, every word, and every beat of? I feel like singing for people at work helps me not be so nervous and they give so many compliments that it makes me feel better about my singing.
I look forward to being in the car because I can put the Wicked CD in and just sing. I work hard at keeping my voice steady and enunciating the words so that they are understandable. If I'm alone in the car I sing as loud as I can with proper tone and support, working on that oh-so-necessary theatre voice (everyone in the audience should be able to hear you without a mic even if they are in the back row of the theatre).
All in all singing just brings more joy to my life and I think that a small career on Broadway would just be the best. Wishing and hoping to Defy Gravity!